took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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