Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
