And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
