like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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