dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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