Duck Duck Cougar?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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