Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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