I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
