what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
