At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
