just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
