Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
