I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
