He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
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