PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
