Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Watching her eat just hurts me
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Randomize
