I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize