I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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