Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
