So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
