I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
So vagazzling was a success
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
