I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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