I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
organizing the empties. That sober.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
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