i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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