Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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