u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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