I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
