I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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