her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
