You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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