just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
