oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
