it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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