Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
