i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
