We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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