I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
