She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
