No awkward lesbian experiences without me
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
