I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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