i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
