I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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