You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
