What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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