Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
