I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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