Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
