But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
