I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I just googled if crying burns calories
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
