Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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