you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
