My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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