Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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