they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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