Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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