Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
