Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
