opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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