I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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