You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
