Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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