dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
