don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
