I murdered the dance floor call the cops
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
