i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You need a sexual gate keeper
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
