New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
