He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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