just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
